The True Measure of Success? A Calm Nervous System

What if real success isn’t about how much we get done — but how calm, safe, and grounded we feel while doing it?

What if, instead of chasing endless productivity and pushing through constant stress, we measured our success by how regulated our nervous system is?

Because here’s the truth I’ve learned, both personally and in my work:

Success without a calm nervous system isn’t sustainable.

We live in a culture that rewards busyness, hustle, and performance. We wear stress like a badge of honor.But behind the scenes, many of us are constantly tired, wired, and anxious. Even when things are “going well,” we often can’t feel it — because our nervous system is still in survival mode.

A Quick Look at the Nervous System

To understand why calm is such a powerful measure of wellbeing, let’s take a gentle look at the science.

Our autonomic nervous system has two main branches:

• The Sympathetic Nervous System: This is our “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” mode — designed to protect us when we’re in danger.

• The Parasympathetic Nervous System: This is our “rest, digest, and repair” mode — where healing, connection, and calm happen.

Back in the day, if our ancestors were being chased by a tiger, their sympathetic system would activate instantly: faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, tense muscles. They’d run, fight, freeze — whatever it took to survive.

Once the danger passed, they’d return to safety, lie down, breathe deeply, and shift back into the parasympathetic. That’s how the system was designed to work: temporary activation, followed by deep rest.

But What About Today?

We may not have tigers chasing us anymore. But we have mental tigers — and they’re everywhere.

Here’s what a modern “tiger” can look like:

• Waking up and immediately checking your phone or inbox

• Rushing to catch the train — or working while commuting

• Jumping into back-to-back meetings without breaks

• Feeling pressure to respond instantly to messages, notifications, emails

• Skipping lunch — or eating in front of your laptop

• Navigating family logistics, conflicts, or emotional stress

• Watching overwhelming news before bed

• Scrolling social media endlessly without noticing how it’s affecting you

Each of these activates your sympathetic nervous system. Each one sends a signal: “I’m not safe. I need to do more. I need to survive.”

From Temporary Response to Permanent State

Here’s the problem:

What was once meant to be a temporary survival response has now become our default state.

We live from fight-or-flight. We work from it. We try to sleep, connect, eat, and even rest — while still in it.

And that’s why burnout, anxiety, chronic fatigue, digestive issues, and emotional overwhelm are so common.

Our nervous system was never meant to live like this.

Calm and relaxed!

So What Does Calm Actually Feel Like?

You might be wondering: What’s the alternative?

Let me ask you this:

When was the last time you felt truly safe, relaxed, and in love with life?

How often do you feel gratitude, ease, or a quiet joy just to be alive?

Can you remember what it feels like to not be in a rush, not trying to fix or control, just… being?

This is the state of the parasympathetic. It’s where your digestion improves.

Your immune system strengthens. Your creativity flows.

You can connect, listen, love, and feel your body again.

This is the real measure of success.

My Go-To Practices to Come Back to Calm

Of course, we can’t eliminate stress. Life is full and sometimes chaotic. But we can learn to regulate. We can train our nervous system to return to safety and calm — again and again.

Here are some of my favorite ways to do that:

• Breathing slowly and deeply for 2–3 minutes

• Yoga Nidra — a powerful guided relaxation technique I teach and practice daily with Ally Boothroyd and Emily Kuser

• Yin Yoga — long, gentle holds to soften the fascia and calm the body

• Yoga flows — mindful movement that reconnects you to breath and body

• Ecstatic dance — moving intuitively, freely, without judgment

• Shaking — an ancient practice to release tension and reset the system

• Reiki — gentle energy healing to invite deep rest and balance

• Sound healing — using frequencies to harmonize the body and mind

• Taking real breaks — stepping away from screens, walking in nature

• Feeling your feet on the ground and taking 3 conscious breaths

• Journaling — to process emotions and make space for clarity

• Painting a mandala or doing something creative just for joy

• Mirror work — looking into your own eyes and speaking love

• Humming, singing, or chanting to stimulate the vagus nerve

• Saying no — and honoring your capacity

• Resting — without guilt

• Long meditations with Joe Dispenza and To Be magnetic

Each time you choose one of these, you tell your body:

“You’re safe. You’re enough. You don’t have to fight anymore.”

An Invitation for You

If you’ve been living in a state of urgency, overstimulation, or constant doing — take a moment to pause. Close your eyes. Exhale slowly. You’re allowed to feel calm.

You’re allowed to work well and live well. They don’t have to be separate.

Let calm be your baseline — not the reward you get after burnout.

Want to go deeper?

Try my Free Yoga Nidra for Nervous System Reset

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Or share with me: What supports your nervous system these days? I’d love to hear.